I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
The dentist told me I have super glue on my teeth. I'm not blaming you I just want to know how that happened
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
Randomize
