Nope, Im Irish and pissed with some drunk mixed in...therefore punching things is the best solution to every problem.
i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
Sacagawea was the original milf.
okay, prove you're not drunk to me. write 5 true sentences about me with correct grammar.
I am sober. Because I don't drunk. It is bad. People die. I like Domenico because o he bag women what up?
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Its trashy in the best of ways. Like a stripper working to pay for college.
all i wanted was to be slutty. now i'm meeting him for drinks tomorrow because he woke up before i had a chance to sneak out and was too polite to say no
It's like a squid of pain has attached to my head and it spreading it's whorey tentacles all over.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
I'm in Home Depot and I can feel the straight bob the builders staring at me. I bet it's like I have a rainbow arrow pointing at me.
I mean I made my therapist laugh so hard she cried....so yes, my life is literally a joke to everyone
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
