he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
make sure to take notes today. there is a guy in a wheelchair who might be getting a DUI from a cop on horseback. I'm gonna see this through.
protesters in toronto definately have the best pot
I swear I could audibly hear her vagina slam shut when you walked up to hit on her.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Smoked before work and just remembered i left pringles in my desk last time i was high. SCORE
I'm doing laundry from this weekend.. That poor shirt I wore to the rave smells like a dead animal that rolled in weed and pain..
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
Randomize
