oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
Sorry I couldn't get my dick out
i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
I got whiskey, so I think the blizzard and I are at an even match
Must've forgot to hang up with her when I was telling Josh I plan to pop champagne if I nail her tonight. She showed up with a bottle and said "only if we can toast it with Josh"
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
Only time and a comprehensive case study of all of your relationships will tell.
I had a dream last night that Sam and Dean had to get rid of a murderous ghost haunting an elf on the shelf. I think I'm ready for Christmas to be over.
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
