K I think ***** turned off her phone. Guess I can't make her feel any more miserable tonight so I'm goin to sleep
Small penises have feelings too.
its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
i may or may not have just grinded on your dog thinking it was my boyfriend
I'm going to have to call in sick tomorrow. After this weekend, there's no way I can handle hearing the accountants talk about double entry without puking.
Just finished texting the 27th male name in my phone that i don't recognize. none of them were the hott kid i made out with last night. the search continues.
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
I woke up smelling like the ciroc you tried pouring into my mouth last night. I think my clothes are still soaked
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
