I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Is it bad that we're talking like nothing happened?
Ah. Blossoming love after wild blackout drunk sex.
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
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They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
The moment you realize you should grow up: you're snorting your fathers percocet script with your old health insurance card, while your parents are on a 10 day cruise in the carribean...
I'm currently sitting on the floor of a hostel reception area taking swigs of straight vodka, singing with people whose English doesn't go far beyond Lion King songs. I thought you might appreciate it.
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Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I told you alcohol was flammable, but you didn't believe me until you tried to extinguish your sparkler by submerging it in vodka and the bottle burst into flames.
The sex is great, I just think it'd be better if we listened to Deftones during it.
Crying on the toilet and taking a shit. This is what being an adult is about
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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