I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
You don't understand, alcohol has become a thing of survival for me and without it I can't function as a normal human being
oh god was she eating orange peels again
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Are you vicariously golddigging through me?!
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
so do you remember taking your shirt off and just standing in your bra at the bar or no?
Perfect attendance and not being drunk since Sunday. This is a new leaf if I've ever seen one
I’m not sure she knows my name. She introduced me as “the fuck toy”
Randomize