Need sex. Gaining weight.
do you think they make care bear costumes for cats?
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
He took the lighter and said "this is how I give myself a bikini wax."
My male hookup buddy is gonna meet my female hookup buddy, let the awkward hookup games begin!
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Oddly enough, the sex change dream i had made me miss you more.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
if my 20s were a chapter in my autobiography, it would be called "the room is spinning and my hands smell like dick"
Randomize
