I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
I have my ice chest next to my bed. Instead of breakfast in bed, its beers in bed. 10x better
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
This morning my mouth tasted like fruit trees, battery acid, and magnums. Transferring schools was the best decision Ive ever made.
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Your brother just walked into my room, pissed drunk and butt naked, got into my bed and fell asleep. In knowing I am gay, you have one hour to deal with him before I do
I woke up naked with a duck on my head. I think something went horribly wrong.
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