So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
He wanted a quickie. I said, can I play doodle jump on my iPhone during? And that's exactly how it went.
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
After he called me a "spirited little girl" I realized that I need to stop sleeping with guys more than ten years older than me.
He just referred to himself as a sharp shooter. I had sex with that.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I vaguely remember us chasing shots by licking each other's faces last night. Our friendship has reached another level completely.
Ive already seen two fights and a clown urinating in the middle of the street. Hello Halloween 2014.
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I also fell asleep on the side of a tree so like I hit my lowest point there but it was a good time
Not as bad as when you were sitting in the pond getting fed water
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
Randomize
