Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
who are you and why are you in my phone as dr. seuss
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
i caught myself talking to a pigeon about my yeast infection.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
you were like "guys ... i think i got fingered while dancing tonight"
our poor poor cab driver
Put some vodka in it
Its 7am
put some vodka in it
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I am going to go Miley Cyrus crazy if I don't get sex soon
Headline in the alligator: young zeta goes berserk after lack of sex and is found naked swinging from wrecking ball on university ave, refuses to get down until sex partner is found
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
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