escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
Easy for you to say! His first impression of you isn't the drunk girl in a turtle costume who got hit by a car!
did you by any chance leave me that 7 minute long voicemail of you running and constantly tripping into bushes?
When I woke up I had three missed calls from the name 'dream krystals'.... If I remember correctly she was the lady at the drive thru at Krystals and her name was Dream.. She wanted to come to the strip club with us... Do you remember?
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
The guy I blew who bought us all the shots last night? I really think he's the TV guy I'm watching give the local weather. Like right now.
His sisters are going to have a heyday finding all those condoms in their bunk beds.
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