i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
Sorry I never got back to you, I ended up at a party with pot ice cream, pot apple cider, and hash vegetable oil.
I've got mace and a condom. Ready to roll either way and keeping my pimp hand strong.
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
when i got home she was standing in my front yard not wearing a shirt and halfway crying/ halfway laughing
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
you know it was a successful halloween when you wake up and have a firecracker in your tits
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
And then my night got REAL pukey
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
It's really hard to tweet with a pussy in your face demanding attention.
Let’s try it, I’ve never had a bad time with sex, tacos and beer.
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