physics? naw man, teacher told us it was casual friday, so i decided to be super casual and not go.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
I don't remember you taking the condom off last night. Did you just walk home in it ?
My right arm is handcuffed to my leg... Please help.
Because I can't get laid, I'm day-drinking and hunting squirrels in the backyard. You can take the girl out of Montana...
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Emoji's do wonders when you actually have nothing at all to say..
Random one night stand with a guy that had a USA tattoo on his ass. Can't possibly get more American than that
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
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