Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
Life lesson: Don't ever put your penis in a crazy girl. Especially if she's married. And has a kid.
he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
We are going all out this weekend. My liver is already smiling.
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
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