Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
do herpes really smell.
i think my mom would be mad if i was pregnant. last time i was she grounded me for a week.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Someone had Captain Morgan and orange juice at the same moment I lost my hangover and I just had to give it a try.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
One of the art pieces was basically this chick throwing raw meat at the audience, anyone who got hit (which I did) got a free shot of whiskey. It was worth it.
I mean he did ask and he said it's cold out but i didn't realize we were that comfortable hahaha sex is one thing but borrowing a sweatshirt?
Locking that text forever.
Haha he puts me in a mood mix of annoyed and... "just get in my pants"
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
It's bullshittery. It's asshattery. It's complete fuckery at its finest.
Randomize
