Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
this morning i woke up with my panties on and i knew where i was. success.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
He fucked me so well and hard that the couch slid into the Christmas tree. I had to pull branches out of my hair.
I just had to explain my bite marks to my allergy doctor when she gave me my shots...You're the best <3
One day he'll find out I do drugs and stop talking to me.
What will you do then?
Drugs, probably.
Randomize
