wow... just woke up to find out that the OJ we used in my bong last night was poured back into the carton
so looking at the guys i've dated i feel my vag is a halfway house
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
Renamed my iPod as 'the titantic' so when I plug it in it's says 'the titantic is syncing.'
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
On campus. Grown men in women's sexy bee costumes. Complete with legwarmers. This cannot be real life.
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
I dreamt of sea otters and your boobs. My two favorite things.
I like dinosaurs. I like penises. It's kind of a win win
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
Masturbating to death wouldn't be a terrible way to go. If you die tonight, I'll know how it went down. Promise not to tell your family.
sober me is not impressed with the quality of people that drunk me gives our phone number to
Randomize