Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
I think I ruined Robin and Mikes anniversary. I walked in on them fucking, accidentally broke the necklace he gave her, and I stole the keg from their party. Not in that order
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
The barista asked if I wanted my drink wet or dry, but all that came to mind was farts. You have ruined me.
He sent me a picture; erect penis, cat in hand and no pants on. He got a boob pic for that one.
The number of times I've puked in the Walgreens bathroom is becoming way too many for my pride.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
This is kind of a weird question but were you the other girl Ben asked to do a group sex thing with?
Oh my god and he smells like heaven wrapped in a beard of knowledge
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
whatever. i don't need to be drunk to tell you i'd suck your dick if you had one.
Randomize
