Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
There's a girl here with sideburns. I gave her your number, you can thank me later.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
I kinda look like a classier blonde kenny powers.
Just had another dream about being on Real Chance of Love. I think it's a sign.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
Any clothing i put on is too many clothes.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
Sounds like she has 4 first names. Like a sad version of Ricky bobby
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
tonight at the bar some people told me that I have a sprit following me around.. that's the kind of shit that you laugh off till you're home alone.
well, you know. whores of a feather.
Randomize
