They just gave us root beer floats. I guess I won't quit my job today.
i feel like a lion cub that has been breast fed for years, and mom has left, and now i have to learn how to hunt on my own
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I've got my laundry in the car, tonights 1 night stand pre-req is an in suite washer and dryer. Let's do this!
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
My walk of shame is starting to become positively reinforcing; I stop by Starbucks and when I leave I look someone just heading to work.
why do i have a pole dance champion shot glass?
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
I wonder if the sex shop has any Black Friday deals.
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
Randomize
