I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
a slip n slide in 50degree weather was the 2nd dumbest thing i have ever done. the 1st was hitting the wooden fence i believed was supposed to "help us stop"
The trip involved octopus tentacles coming from the little holes in my TV's speakers. The beauty of the nonexistant symbolism had me in tears.
Woke up with 3 sports bras for underwear. Valiant effort drunk me.
I think I shall call his penis Gatsby. We talk about it all the time, but I never see it.
It is very possible that having sex with you just now just got me into Yale
I don't think you should be sorry for such memorable sex that I yell your name when you aren't around.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I woke up and found that i was using my computer as a pillow. i had 53 pages of random letters on Microsoft word
Randomize
