I hate your face
Spotted: jayne dropping her cigarettes in a puddle...then picking them back up and putting them in her pocket. If i ever get that desperate, stop talking to me
It's just like soggy cereal, but cancerous
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
or how I got to mom's but there is vomit on my shoes. I never thought i'd be recapping with her.
well what she called a "work function" most people call "doing shots with your boss while people throw napkins at you."
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
Listening to Ke$ha's new single to pump myself up for my STD test.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
My life is literally the worst. I was just laughing so hard at how hot they looked feeding each other the brownies and then I was like DON'T CRY
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
The man at the checkout said "Somebody's not fucking around".
It's gonna be a good night
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