forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
All I want to do right now is burp, puke, and fart. In that order.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
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new level of vanity: sex dreams about deep throating myself...
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
All I vaguely remember from last night is getting up on that nice mahogany table and debating about squirrel's rights
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
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It was one of those mornings when I wake up and feel like I have to say sorry to the whole world
I just need some of your time and all of your body.
I mean, what's the polite way to say, "sorry but I can't date you cuz I'm sleeping with your boss" ??
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
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