mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
My girlfriend was pissed, so if I had to guess, i'd say I had a GREAT time last night
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
I just walked into my exam wearing a mans tshirt and Alex's size 13 crocs twenty min late carrying only a pencil and my heels...I'm not real
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
Can I just put my face in your boobs and forget the world?
You sent me a cat video and you screaming drunkenly in my background
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
I just want to say that I've always loved you and you are my best friend ever
You gave that creepy guy my number, didn't you? You really need to learn how to just say no, not interested.
Dude come over...were drunk and I'm holding a T-shirt gun and discovered beer cans are the same size as rolled shirts.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
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