69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Just traded a samurai sword for some drugs. It's gonna be one random ass night
Retelling stories from our semester makes me realize we need to get tested for herpes.
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I had her buy me a cock ring, so we might test that out. We are presently playing yahtzee.
Cock rings and yahtzee. Like peanut butter and jelly.
And now you understand the importance of Saturday naps.
Because you stay up all night having sex and eating sushi?
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
After this week, alcohol is mandatory.
I'm only fucking women born in the 90s this summer
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
Randomize
