she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
please tell me i can get drunk off sparkling grape juice. even if you have to lie, please say yes.
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
WTF moment this morning: we were getting ready to leave and he reaches under his mattress to pull out his gun. All I could do was look at him and go "really?!"
It's no shave November. This is our time.
I washed my sheets. I did out of respect for my previous and current sexual partners.
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
What are you feeling right now?
Idk. I just flashed a porch 🤷🏼♀️
So not in the best place to do an emotional inventory
Randomize
