Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
Played never have I ever with high schoolers today. Needless to say they brought up threesomes so I had to make a judgement call and decided to not put my finger down
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
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