Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
OMG - This guy with a mullet just told me - it wasn't a mullet - but his hair dresser layered it wrong. It's so walmart in here. I hate you.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
And then i made him answer questions about me before i took off my clothes
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
It was her first time with a girl so I put on my tegan and Sara playlist to really get the full experience.
i told my boss i want to eat her tits. 90 percent sure i'm getting fired
When a girl says " I never would have come over if I knew I was getting kicked out at 7am." the correct response isn't "but think of how responsible you're being."
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
Just got stuck in an elevator on campus with a ton of British guys. My pants almost pulled themselves down.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
He just stopped in the middle of undressing for sex to dip his slice of pizza in ranch. I think I’m in love.
ok first of all what the fuck
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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