My moms helping me unpack but im getting a little nervous because I dont remember where i put my dildo
i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
Come put a leash on your gf. She just challenged 8 cops to a wrestling match for 'tag team champion of the world'
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
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We are stranded. Come find us. Bring an egg
I come back upstairs and there he was sitting in a speedo. He handed me a blanket and said "let's cuddle" how is this real life?
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
It was everywhere. My dick was a sprinkler of lost future children.
By talk him into it I assume you mean blow him into it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I mean I puked all over three separate towns last night and I still think you're the one who should reevaluate their life.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Would you like to get an apartment bong? It can be like our pet and we can give it a name.
My dad just said "fuck circus"
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
This can only be settled by a dance off.
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