He wants to be 'in an open relationship'. Fuck that. That's the online equivalent of letting him pee in a circle around me.
I mean I'm not worried about us not getting wasted. I'm more worried that I'll be doing a Boris yeltzen impression by 1030.
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
No it's ok. I made friends with the guy that always wears helmets to the bar. His name is helmet Harry
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
We are a team. I lure them in with my tits, feed them enough alcohol to consider homosexuality, and hand them off to you.
You're the best wingman ever.
Neither of us have work tomorrow and we live w/n walking distance. This is your official Sandy booty call. Come rock me like a hurricane.
In other news it turns out I like Heineken.. In a desert island kind of way
I wanna say I regret bonging a beer while having sex with Mike, but it helped me get thru it.
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
The lowest point of my life has been reached. I just drank half a jar of pasta sauce.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Randomize
