if he's not good at sex i should be allowed to have sex with someone who is. that's a totally legit statement i think
This is your typical "sorry i got drunk and tried to seduce you into having sex while you were throwing up" text.
I saw his package. It spoke to me.
Just boiled hotdogs in bongwater. NOT a good idea.
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
I was trying to make tacos and friends but there was a major language barrier.
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
well I woke up with about $3 in odd change and a note that said "I'm borrowing your weed." So, no, it didn't go to well.
She was into my hawaiian shirt and id never made out with a dinosaur... I feel like it worked out for everyone
Come over. We're getting stoned and watching DogTV
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
Randomize
