She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
My dad just told me if I'm going to smoke pot, to make sure I use a clean needle. WTF?
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
Lazier than spoon feeding yourself popcorn and debating adult diapers so you don't have to leave the mentalist marathon on tv?
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So I'm dropping a fat deuce at work, and the lock on the stall door slips and the door slides open, when suddenly someone comes in. Now I have two options, I can either get up quickly and try to shut the door quickly (not easy to do with one hand) or I can just sit there and play it off like it's no big deal and I always dump at work with the door open. I chose option two, and it was as awkward as it sounds.
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
After 2 minutes he came and said, "thanks for everything". I can't wait to hear what he says next time when I do more than just lay there.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
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