I know she is the girl of my dreams bc she orgasmed, rolled over and then asked if I knew that Orlando beat Cleveland.
You threw up in a Dixie cup last night. Oddly, you just gained major points in my book for that.
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
Vodka and Eggs at 9:30AM = thank you, America.
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
At least I wasn't still dressed as a bottle of dom perignon when they took me to the ER
Just had my ass outlined on a bar top with permanent marker and then they carved the imprint into the wood with a knife. I'm famous in the country!
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
I just really hate taking care of things... If I can't fill it with liquor I'm not sure what to do with it.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
And I am bleeding like slutty girl #1 In a horror movie
We got stoned and took selfies with the most perfect lawn
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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