I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
See,its just the last time this situation happened I ended up hiding in a closet on my birthday
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
Everclear isn't food dammit
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I may have been bent over an elementary school lunch table a few weeks ago. Don't judge.
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