Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
he matches the description of mystery hookup #2, 4, and 7
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
she's five days sober.....are those consecutive????
5 days not 5 nights... like a bad hotel/vacation deal
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
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