so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I bet there is no greater pleasure in life than pistol whipping people.
Anal.
I would have to gauge my vagina to make it fit.
I have got to stop assigning last names to girls I get numbers from based on what I think will remind me of them... Sarah Petrydish is not an acceptable memory trigger
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
Well, you've continued the theme of living with people who's dicks I've sucked.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Just an FYI i'm going to get drunk as shit while you are on duty and attempt to not fall into the bathtub again.
Rodger that.
I'm gonna forget you just shared your personal blowjob aesthetic with me and move on
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Never admit to being cold at those things. That is how you end up waking up the next morning naked under animal pelts... or so I have heard.
Randomize
