dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
I just heard the term negative masterbation and I don't believe it
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
Yea there's blood all over the porch but we wont have to buy alcohol for the rest of the week
Only sluts go out in this weather carpe diem boys
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
When you're all settled in, text me, and I can sorta apologize for saying that your phone can suck my dick. What I really meant to say is that your Windows phone can suck my Android phone's dick.
"Fuck all you guys I'm going to be Cameltoe Spider-Man for Halloween."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
Randomize
