I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
Free body shot off of Sarah. Expires never.
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
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Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
just ran into a kid I used to hook up with while wearing his shirt. Only me. I tried to pretend like it wasn't his but it said his name on the back so I wasn't winning that.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
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Is it just me, or do you see your penis in that hand?
I never thought I would be saying these words but...when did David Spade get hot?
he just cleaned his wound with pinnacle whipped
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
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