My professor just used "labia" and "numchucks" in the same sentence. I am dying.
I don't know where I am but there are firefighters
We walked in and found his glass coffee table broken and you in the bathroom throwing up saying "What a bad first impression."
The cardboard box in my backseat wasn't strong enough to keep your pee contained. Come clean my car.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
YOU SUCK AT REPLYING IM IRRESPOSNIBLY DRUNK WHAT THE FUCK ARE YOU DOING WITH YOU LIFE. celebrate the magicness with me.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I was asked last night if Magnum makes a XXL..... I don't think I've ever broken this many condoms in my life
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
SOOOOOO I just attempted to go to the gym, hungover. Ended up throwing up in the bathroom. I hope people think I'm just working out really hard
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