his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
you told all the 17 year old girls at the party that your mating call was "I glitter in the sun"
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
Do you have any idea how hard it is to cum to Chingy?!
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
I haven't lost it. I know I'm not a prophet. It was a joke.
After the edible you claimed you were talking to my cat. We're in our 30s now, what was once cute is now a liability.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
Randomize
