He has such a weird drunk-voice.
dude, he's deaf.
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
got high and went straight for the Doritos. I'm some kind of walking cliche.
we turned dreidel into a drinking game. i kept landing on gimel. im glad we have 7 more nights of this
I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
You need to find a way to go down on me and lick my toes at the same time
I'll google it
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
I want to apologize in advance for texting you a picture of my penis tonight.
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
So, seriously. How does it feel to know that you're riding a cock that was in kindergarten when you were going to prom?
I just spent an hour in the shower pretending I was a member of the b-52's. I can't go to work like this
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
The car smells like weed is an understatement.
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