I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
after we finished he farted and said 'i've been holding that one in'
our landlord thinks we're weird & alcoholics. he came in to fix our broken tub and saw the laundry door on our table for beer pong, the garbage bag full of empty fifths, and that one armed baby on the doorstep. plus he saw us swimming and yargging in our pirate pool that one time.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
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But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
We are hot boxing the gondola
I hate everything.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
The shit show didn't end. it just relocated itself to my apartment instead of yours.
you also need to get my treadmill fixed.
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Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Would an open wound count as good sex or bad sex?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
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