How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
when i got home i made myself toast with butter & put pasta on it. I know this cause it's all over my bed.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
You told her that she shouldn't be allowed to wear clothes then when her roommate asked if you like her you said "no I just want to insert things into her"
I stand by it.
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
I'm actually drinking gin and juice out of a floridas natural carton...so if that has any indication of how I'm doing
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
Not a problem, sailor. I speak both autocorrect and typo.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
This is the third time this month a guy I’m not dating has dumped me. How is this even possible???
We ran out of vodka, so instead of body shots you wanted to do cupcake shots off her naked body...happy birthday to you.
Randomize
