Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
i was concerned for your health after you took your "last shot" four times...
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Randomize
