Dude, I don't think I'll ever be able to find a girl for me...
Is this the gay conversation?
The homeless ppl in LA are great. Theres sum guy that makes all of his clothes out of tighty whitey underwear. He makes bags out of them 2. Presumably 2 hold more underwear.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
Whiskey shot with bacon bits, our version of Goldschlager WE ARE TRYIN IT.
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
He walked straight into the wall, said "excuse me ma'am" and continued back to his dorm room.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
I passed out and slept in my car. Now I feel like a hungover zoo animal. Look and laugh people, look and laugh.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
Randomize
