The dr is doing well, he randomly asked if I was bi
the cashier wished me a happy fathers day while i bought condoms
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
she is the kim kardashian of front butts
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
As in, legitimately worried. You just sent me a 6 message long text that did not contain any complete words.
You sent me a pic of you peeing in two separate directions
and like half a dozen dick pics
Randomize
