You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
Can we go out and do something semi fancy soon? I feel like wearing a dress and pretending to be an adult.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
so I definitely just chased tequila shots with a biscuit covered in sausage gravy
Thats fucking manlier than riding a bear into battle
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Well, he was my lawyer and now we get drunk and hook up.
That explains the way he looks at you.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
You went after him with a sword while screaming “FAJITAS!”. And Todd was dressed as a Goth for some reason
Randomize
