so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Kristen just told everyone at the bar that I've got a huge dick, now Brittany is giving me the eye. What is the opposite of FML?
Then we started crawling around on the floor because we couldn't get up so decided to be tigers instead. Gotta love power hour.
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
I want Paula Dean to narrate shark week next year
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I cannot believe he got soft mid fuck. I just hope he bought that horrible impression you did of my dad. I love you though, you came in clutch tonight.
It was the least I could do after throwing up in your purse.
It doesn't matter how many beers you've had, it's unacceptable to piss in someone's helmet after a playoff win.
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Grabbed the cop's ass and he still arrested Heather instead. Victory is mine!!
Randomize
