He belongs with you like a mcdonalds playground belongs in Chernobyl
Do you remember when I jumped into your arms and you farted?
I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Would we rather be in rehab with the drug addicts or the girls with low self esteem?
She is a fish and this place is a barrel. I can play this game.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
The one from last night got me a whole floor of Eskimo Brothers. There was a celebration of high fiving as I left
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
Only time i ever look at my online banking statement is to see when i left the bar.
i dont care how hungover you are, go back to the frat house and get him. HE IS 11.
Sober me is really good at getting to the airport on time. Drunk me is really good at shitting my pants. Do you know how much pants cost at the airport????
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
I met a guy last night who bought me a book on Amazon at the bar and then we had sex. Boners for books is a thing. Boom.
Randomize
