bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
Nope. Can't afford girlfriends. Still looking for the 25 year old bisexual tripled who owns a brewery or a casino.. the search continues....
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
Boob shaped ice luge is ordered for my bday. Boom
I can't even drink.
The liquor comes out the nipples. Out. The. Nipples.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Apparently drinking in your car before going into a sales meeting is frowned upon. We are car sales men not doctors.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
Moral of the story: fuckboys never change
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
I shouldn't have that kind of responsibility when the prospect of being high is readily available. All I could do was hula hoop and smoke cigarettes last night. My remembrance of anything important was out the window.
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
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