If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
Last night you told her she was rocking the beer gut. Still wondering why you have that black eye?
Good cause the way I see it, we are down to DAYS left of college so we should have as much naked fun as possible. And Jenga really facilitates that.
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
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She broke up with him yesterday after she cheated on him. He's going a bachelor party next weekend. How has Homeland Security not raised the threat level?
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
I feel strange, like something is off with my body
Yeah that's called sobering up, we've been drunk for the past 4 days
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We are magical, pot smoking, smart as hell, single as fuck, woodland dolphins.
Nothing says summer like lemonaid, but nothing says fuck yeah summer like lemonaid and vodkavodka
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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