I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ian has mac and cheese all in his bed/on the wall. Either you did it or he fell asleep with a bowl in his hand and spasmed in his sleep.
Cooked or uncooked?
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Whenever you're sad about your life, just remember that I'm on a first name basis with the late night taco bell drive-thru workers.
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I sense lesbianism
That's a weird power
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
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