**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
new low, i just stole money from my 5 year old sister to buy condoms
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
we're decorating our christmas cookies with birth control. so pretty.
Found my id. It was in the cats litter box. Seriously what was last night.
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Why can't you just come over, fuck me, then leave so i can get stoned and watch law and order?
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
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