Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
I just found glass in my funny face pancakes, there's nothing funny about that.
I have a drunk 6th sense to lyrics of songs i dont know. It only works when i dance..
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
It's just great that Easter is on 4/20 this year. Now everyone can enjoy the Easter egg hunts. And being around my whole family.
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
She couldn't understand why my walking in on her 70 year old parents ruined any chance of a boner for at least an hour. I think she's too slow for me to fornicate with.
Tell me not to drink and get on ladders. I think I need the reminder.. I'm clumsy enough sober.
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
You have a full penis tattoo of a cobra fighting a mongoose, don't you?
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