It was the third Sunday in a row that I woke up in his bathtub. So no our sex life isn't that great anymore.
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
the liver wants what the liver wants
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I'm so comfortable in my sexual relationship because he mostly wants to see me naked with large plates of bacon tastefully placed upon my body
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
Alcohol. Making me feel good about myself since 2008
He's here walking around DRUNK AS FUCK in a Kobe Bryant number 8 jersey... Tucked in.
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
