Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
I'm spoon feeding myself tequila for breakfast, should we skip class today?
I send out my deepest condolences for seeing my ass last night.
I am currently in a U-Haul truck right now. Going to a party. I hate myself.
Roomie questionaires don't ask any of the important questions like "how do you feel about one night stands" and "will you judge me post-walk of shame"
I feel so bad for your roommate
I mean, you've seen me eat pizza, sober, out of a garbage can, and yet I refuse to go eat at that place. Just sayin....
sexting foreigners is the best. they respond with silly things like "love that tits"
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
WE HAVE TO LEAVE. I HAVE HAD SEX WITH WAY TOO MANY PEOPLE IN THIS BUS STATION.
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Could someone explain to me why there were 40 individually wrapped burritos in the fridge when I woke up this morning?
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
Randomize
