I just woke up and checked my e-mail, and apparently while drunk I bought a blowtorch. Thought you'd want to know.
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
That commercial was clearly aspirational. I think Arbor Mist would pair nicely with Oscar Meyer
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
I was scared I had HIV after last time so I'm not gonna do it again
But he was really hot
Glad you don't have HIV
My genitals don't want beer. They want to not feel like they wandered into a hornet's nest.
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I was in the bathroom and I heard a phone ding inside one of the stalls. I really wanted to say, nature is calling, but I was still in my work uniform
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
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