Why did I call the Oregon Department of Transportation at 4:30 in the morning, and who did I talk to for three minutes?
but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
Oh right she's pregnant - that's why all of her statuses have been uber depressing
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
Well it's a moot point because I did have a sink & I peed in it.
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Just fucked my ex's brother. It is clear I dated the wrong one. Is it wrong for me to continue to fuck this one?
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