so then you didnt wanna fuck tonight right?
oops, you werent supposed to get that until you left.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
I cannot be this high in this house. This house has so many of my secrets in its walls.
Your roommate from freshman year just had a baby. I think you're winning. Hooray for fifth year seniors!
Some guy offered you 100 bucks last night to suck your toes. I had to drag you away while you were yelling at me, "Stop money cock blocking me!"
That's just where I'm at in my life.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
He went down on me to the national anthem being sung by Jordan sparks. It was very patriotic of him
I don't care what you say about him, his cock is the stuff dreams are made of.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
Had a moment of weakness, slept with my ex last night
So that's why our room smells like tequila and shame.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
Randomize
