i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
Is it hot in here? Is the room moving? Its moving. The room is moving. Its spinning like a top. Have you ever been covered in puke? What are you doing?
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
This lumberjack with a huge beard is doing his group presentation in a dirty t shirt that says "I'm only 2 girls short of a threesome"
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
We're bowling witha frozen turkey in the hallway...ur missing out
We had to leave. Dave knocked a dude out for saying yolo.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
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I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
I woke up naked on his boat with a cowboy hat on with a boat cover over me... Thank you tequila!
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism