she looks like luggage that fell from a plane
Turns out you're obligated under man law to share any passwords you may have for porno sites
Is that what they're teaching u at that bar review class?
If there is ever a next time, care about me enough to lube it up no matter what my drunk ass says
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
i just saw a man pushing two thirtys of beers in a stroller while his little kid ran to keep up. father of the year
i know you like preteen girls so i'm gonna offer you some advice...dump a bucket of glitter on yourself and walk into the sunlight. they will come running.
You sent her a pic of your dick with 'guess what you cant have anymore' written on it with a marker.
you left a paper here that says 'to do list' but it looks like you just wrote "drink a bunch of cough syrup and watch Who's the Boss" like 60 times
at what point last night did i decided to have a photo shoot with your camel toe
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson