i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
i awoke yet another morning with penis breath. ive been so generous santa has to bring me a shit ton of presents
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Just look for the house with the beer knights.
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In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
At tuba camp, the pickings are slim. It's like being the tallest midget.
It's a whole movie about Joseph Gordon-Levitt watching porn and having sex... I NEED to own it..
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You attract beautiful men with jobs. I attract ONE WITH A SOUL PATCH.
it was a sexy soul patch.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
Him showing up yesterday was like a giant ego stroke for my vagina.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.