What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
i'm pretty sure the only people calling it "sexting" are ones who don't actually do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, I just bought plan b with the tips I made from the job that I slept with my manager. So yeah, that's my life. How's yours?
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
It's not my fault you decided to fall in love with a Frodo Baggins lookalike
got cock blocked by the cops again. two of the cops were the same ones from that t bell incident and they recognized me... they still dont like me
My bald co-worker just chugged a literal gallon of coffee. My condolences to his kidneys.
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